I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
