i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
my liver is dry heaving
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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