i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
