So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
