She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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