Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
