can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
