You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
