mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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