your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
