I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
