So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
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And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
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Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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