PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
