getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
