I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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