He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
