UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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