Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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