I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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