i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
