You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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