Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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