he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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