Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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