I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
