sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
