He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
