you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
