you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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