Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
