can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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