I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
