my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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