I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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