can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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