i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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