didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
