I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
