i don't plan on having that self control this summer
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
