I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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