it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
