I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
