Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
