Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
