Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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