So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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