Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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