you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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