Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
