They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
