What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
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is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
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Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize