it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
