So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
