All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
