Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
