wrigley field is MILF paradise
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
