our cab driver is having phone sex.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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