I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
We need to rekindle our bromance
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
