apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Randomize
