So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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