you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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