He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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