I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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