If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
