Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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