My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
