the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
