just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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