why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
