getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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