4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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