this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
