So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
