I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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