i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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