sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
