Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
