Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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