when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
