his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
