Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
