My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
