you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize