none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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